The Future is a Few Months Away

I have written a few things about some of the Fall 2013 movies I am interested in seeing. Please take some time to take a look at what I have written, as the future of our nation and our nation’s water supply depend on your immediate action.
Sample This—documentary about the beginnings of hip-hop. I don’t like hip-hop, but since the subject of the film takes place in the 1970’s, I am intrigued. Narrated by Gene Simmons. As long as Gene doesn’t have Terry Gross to kick around, we will be safe.

Jayne Mansfield’s Car—directed by Billy Bob Thornton, starring Billy Bob, Robert Duvall, and Kevin Bacon. Thornton’s “Slingblade” is a classic. His film, “Daddy and Them” is very good and worth a watch. As long as Billy Bob doesn’t have that guy from that Canadian radio talk show to kick around, we will be safe.

C.O.G.—based on a story by the great David Sedaris, no relation to Andy Sidaris, so there will likely not be any topless women running around Hawaii in this one.
Don Jon—wirtten and directed by the always reliable Joseph Gordon-Levitt, star of “Mysterious Skin,” “Hesher,” and “50/50.” If you haven’t seen any of these, Netflix them immediately. Even though, based on first impressions in the trailer, I do not like any of the characters in the film, I expect it will be good. It stars JGL, Scarlett Johansson, and Hold Me Closer Tony Danza. To the best of my knowledge, this film does not star anyone who has ever verbally abused a radio show host on the air.
Bad Milo—It had me at ““a pint-sized demon living in his intestine.” How can you go wrong? Gene Simmons does not narrate this one.

Captain Phillips—Not to be confused with “Captain Ron.” The trailer is great. Starring Tom Hanks and directed by Paul Greengrass, director of the brilliant “United 93,” it is the true story of “Captain Richard Phillips and the 2009 hijacking by Somali pirates of the US-flagged MV Maersk Alabama, the first American cargo ship to be hijacked in two hundred years.” As far as I know, Captain Phillips does not have a pint-sized demon living in his intestine, though that would probably make the story that much more exciting.
Machete Kills—Michelle Rodriguez as She, the eyepatch-wearing badass who deserves her own movie, is the primary source of appeal for me. The trailer for “Machete Kills” is not promising. The film features several Hollywood troublemakers/attention-getters---Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Vanessa Hudgens, and Lady Gaga. I liked the first Machete film quite a bit, so I will see this one at some point, though confidence is not high.

The Fifth Estate—Not a sequel to “The Fifth Element.” I am cautiously optimistic about this one. It stars the great Benedict Cumberbatch (“Sherlock,” “Star Trek Into Darkness”) as Julian Assange, the founder of Wiki Leaks. I am interested in how Wiki Leaks was started so I am interested in this film, though the trailer makes it appear that some stuff will explode and go boom. Much tenseness is promised.
Kill Your Darlings—The title makes it sound like an early 90’s movie about murder and romance. It turns out it is a 2013 movie about murder, maybe no romance. Romance is much more fun than murder. The synopsis is as such: “"Kill Your Darlings" is the previously untold story of murder that brought together a young Allen Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac, and William Burroughs at Columbia University in 1944, providing the spark that would lead to their Beat Revolution. This is the true story of friendship and murder that led to the birth of an entire generation.” Sounds promising but it also sounds like something that could fail miserably if the performances are bad or the script is asinine or shallow. It stars Daniel “Harry Potter” Radcliffe in a grownup role as Allen Ginsberg and Michael C. Hall (“Dexter,” “Six Feet Under”). SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the film, Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac end up on Dexter’s table.
Parkland—The story of what happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963. Has a great cast including the great Paul Giamatti, Billy Bob Thornton, Marcia Gay Harden, and Jackie Earle Haley. Based on the book, “Four Days in November,” by Vincent Bugliosi. Set to be released on October 4, 2013. Also not narrated by Gene Simmons, but I think there is a Peter Criss solo on the soundtrack.
Dallas Buyers Club—“Matthew McConaughey stars as real-life Texas cowboy Ron Woodroof, whose free-wheeling life was overturned in 1985 when he was diagnosed as HIV-positive and given 30 days to live. These were the early days of the AIDS epidemic, and the U.S. was divided over how to combat the virus.” This sounds like an interesting film. McConaughey was outstanding in “Mud,” a film released earlier this year. Lately I have liked or been interested in seeing every other Matthew McConaughey film. He was good in last year’s “Bernie” and he was ok in “Killer Joe,” a film that was problematic, though his performance was the least of it’s problems. I have absolutely no interest in seeing the other big McConaughey film of the fall, Martin Scorsese’s “The Wolf of Wall Street,” a film that, from the trailer, looks to be an absolute chore to watch. I prefer indie McConaughey over big-time McConaughey.

Thor: The Dark World----Until I saw Joss Whedon’s “The Avengers,” I never gave the character of Thor much thought. He seemed like a dull superhero, one who deserved as much inattention from me as Captain America, the guy from the Fantastic Four who wasn’t Ben Grimm, or The Archer. In Whedon’s film, Thor proves to be an awesome character. Liam Hemsworth's performance was great and that hammer is just plain cool. In “Thor,” a film that was much funnier than I expected, his character is solidified as one of the best of the Marvel universe. Does that sound geeky enough? Plus there’s Sif, Thor’s female fellow badass from the Thor World, played by the extremely gorgeous Jaimie Alexander, one of the most attractive actresses around, wow…………………………93ke=………..oh, ok, whoops—I’m back. So, uh, yes Thor!! The trailer for the sequel promises more humor which was very much welcome in the first movie. The bandwagon criticism community of the internet seemed to be inclined to say we shouldn’t like the first film, but I ignored them and went ahead and enjoyed it, not just a little bit, but quite a bit.

Nebraska—The epic story of two warring Omaha families, fueled by sex, lust, murder, and deception, set against the cutthroat world of corn shucking. Oh wait—that’s not right. “Nebraska” is about this: “When a cantankerous old man (Bruce Dern) naively thinks he's won a million dollars from a magazine sweepstakes, his son (Will Forte) reluctantly agrees to escort him on a road trip from Billings to Lincoln to claim his prize.” It also stars Bob Odenkirk, Saul from the brilliance of “Breaking Bad.” “Nebraska” is directed by the great Alexander Payne who gave us the excellence of “Election” and the even greater excellentness of “Sideways.” “I’m not drinking any fucking merlot!!” I have very high hopes for this film as it is, as mentioned, in the capable hands of Alexander Payne.

Saving Mr. Banks—The subject of the film sounds promising. It is about the making of the 1961 film, “Mary Poppins” and all the trials and tribulations that apparently were involved in making that movie. Confidence is not high, however, as this film is a Disney production, so I am concerned that it will be a 2 hour long pat on the back to Disney. It does feature a great cast including Tom Hanks, Emma Thompson (who I am guessing will play Julie Andrews), the great Paul Giamatti, and Rachel Griffiths. I am not a big fan of “Mary Poppins,” however, if “Saving Mr. Banks” can avoid reminding the audience about how successful and wonderful the Disney studio is, it could be pretty darn good.
The Monuments Men---George Clooney and Bill Murray in a film together cannot be bad. I will give anything Bill Murray is in a chance and I am usually rewarded. Even the underwhelming “Passion Play” starring Murray, Megan Fox, and Mickey Rourke was worth watching, if only for that film’s ALF reference. The Clooney-directed, “The Monuments Men” is set during WW2 and also features Cate Blanchett, John Goodman, and Matt Damon.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty—The trailer for this film, based on the James Thurber short story was mesmerizing, kind of like the trailer for “Cloud Atlas.” Lots of cool images to look at but wondering if the entirety of the film will be any good. It stands a great chance of being good as the story of Walter Mitty is a “classic story of a day-dreamer who escapes his anonymous life by disappearing into a world of fantasies filled with heroism, romance and action.” It is directed by and stars Ben Stiller as Mitty, Kristin Wiig, and Sean Penn. It has the feel of one of those films that could be either a giant hit or a colossal failure. It’s just a feeling I have. I am hoping for the giant hit. No word yet on the rumor that the soundtrack will feature a much-anticipated and much-talked about duet with Paul Stanley and Miley Cyrus. Audio has been leaked, though, of Ben Stiller verbally abusing Gene Simmons on an August episode of NPR’s “All Things Considered.”