The opening theme heard in Aldo Lado’s “The Humanoid” is very nice. The score, written by Ennio Morricone, is unique and only once sounds like an already known piece of music. There is one bit of orchestration that sounds like Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. I will let that pass, as I do not know if it is an intentional nod to that piece of music or not.
First of all, up front I will acknowledge that “The Humanoid” is an intentional rip-off of “Star Wars.” Released in 1979, it does not try to hide it’s knock-off status in any way. The villain looks like Darth Vader---actually, the villain looks more like Rick Moranis’ character, Dark Helmet, in “Spaceballs.” In “The Humanoid,” we can see the villain’s face as he wears what looks like an oversized hardhat with a hint of a mask covering his face, but not so much that we cannot see the actor. I wonder if Mel Brooks ever saw “The Humanoid” and thought that this look would suit Dark Helmet in his 1987 film. We do know that Mel Brooks is extra cool simply for the fact that he produced David Lynch’s first studio film, “The Elephant Man” in 1980. Brooks must have seen Lynch’s genius in “Eraserhead,” and took from that picture the fact that Lynch was an outstanding filmmaker.
Richard Kiel plays the humanoid in question in “The Humanoid.” Kiel is best known as Jaws from two James Bond films, “The Spy Who Loved Me” and “Moonraker.” Kiel is 7 feet, 2 inches tall, however his height is only mentioned one time in the film and it is not exploited for humorous effect at any point in the film, which is refreshing. Tall vs. short humor rarely works and is quite a tired form of humor. One fun thing about “The Humanoid” is the fact that Richard Kiel’s character, Golob, speaks in his normal voice for the first 15 minutes of the film. He is also bearded. The reason why Golob ceases speech after 15 minutes is because Lord Graal (the guy dressed a bit like Darth Vader) wants to create a race of humanoids to perform various bits of malfeasance upon the world. Graal enlists the assistance of Dr. Kraspin (Arthur Kennedy) to create a rocket which, when coming into contact with a normal human, will transform said human into a robotic, speechless being, or humanoid. Richard Kiel does not give the greatest performance during the first 15 minutes. His delivery is not very good and he is very unnatural. Despite this, I could not help but like his character and his robot dog pal who travels with him in his spaceship before he is shot down by the evil Graal and soon thereafter lands in a body of water which not only turns Golob into a “humanoid,” but always provides Golob with a nice shave in the process.
Barbara Bach is also in this film! She is always a welcome addition to any film. Her beauty in this film, however, is somewhat masked by the two costumes she wears in the film. During the first half of the film her hair looks like that puffy stuff that the hood of a winter coat is made out of. It looks like a very big version of that puffy stuff. It almost looks like she is wearing a large hood, but it turns out it is her hair. She looks like she is wearing an eagle around her head. This is not the best look for her, but she is still hot. In the second half of the film, she wears what looks like a bicycle helmet. The decision of the makers of The Humanoid to not allow Barbara Bach’s gorgeous hair to appear in a natural style for 1979, knocks the star rating of this film down by one full star. It may be of some interest that Barbara Bach was the “Bond Girl” in “The Spy Who Loved Me,” the first Bond film in which Richard Kiel (Golob) appeared. Maybe you don’t care about such things. I do. If you do not, so be it.
Once the plot is established about an evil lord in space enlisting the aid of an equally mad doctor so as to create “humanoids” for nefarious purposes, the film weaves a fairly entertaining tale of the humanoid and his companions, Barbara Gibson (Corrine Clery) and a young Asian boy named Tom Tom (yeah, I know…), whose relationship to Barbara is not established, or if it was I was not paying attention as I may have been too distracted by Barbara Bach’s hair, in attempting to thwart the plans of the evil twosome. As Netflix might say, “If you liked ‘Star Crash,’ you may like ‘The Humanoid!’” If Netflix and it’s rating system made this statement, I would be in agreement. I liked “Star Crash.” I liked “The Humanoid.” “Star Crash” is better, or one might say, it is stranger and goofier, which, in turn, makes it better, meaning more fun to watch, than “The Humanoid.” Should you ever find it or get a chance to see it, let Barbara Bach’s hair wash over you as you enjoy “The Humanoid.” I know that as long as there is corn in the fields and lead in the pencil, I will never allow the memory of "The Humanoid" to be erased from my mind. And that's One to Grow On!
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