"Night Train to Terror" Never Derails

“Night Train to Terror” is the cinematic equivalent of saying, “Screw it.” This horror anthology, kind of, film is comprised of three, at the time, unfinished films condensed into a 95 minute fun-filled delight. It is not a true anthology film like “Creepshow,” in which the segments were meant to be 25-30 minutes each and were written that way. “Night Train to Terror” takes what are presumably the best parts of these three films and places them amongst wraparound bits in which God and Satan discuss whether a particular character in each of the three segments deserve damnation of salvation. Before any philosophical debate begins, though, we are treated to the sounds of an on board nameless 80’s band that performs the same song four different times. You can enjoy the song here: It’s not a bad song and it never gets tiresome, nor does the film, despite it’s slapped together-edness. If you add “ed-ness” to the end of some words, you can maybe convince some of your friends that this new word actually exists. At first glance, one may instinctively think that the slapped together nature of “Night Train to Terror” means that it is going to be a heap of dung. Such is not the case. It’s more of a heap of fun, especially if you go into to it with the right mindset. I originally saw this film on a crappy quality dvd, an obvious vhs to dvd transfer. I believe this is one of those many public domain films that get subpar dvd releases and usually are vhs to dvd transfers. Seeing “Night Train to Terror” on blu-ray (yes, I saw this movie on blu-ray….and paid to do so) is like seeing a different movie. The image is not distorted and the picture quality is very good. To be brief, the three stories are: 1. A man (John Phillip Law) is used as bait to lure women into an organ harvesting operation. Richard Moll from “Night Court” is in this segment as an orderly. 2. A man has an affair with another man’s girlfriend and is, as a strange kind of revenge, invited to participate in a “death wish club.” This is not a club that involves repeated viewings of those Charles Bronson movies. This segment features some curb-jumping style acting and an automotronic flying bug. 3. A writer’s latest book makes the claim that God does not exist. This man is played by Richard Moll from “Night Court,” so we get to see Bull once again, this time wearing what must surely be a toupee. Satan or one of Satan’s employees wants Bull to work for him at Satan Industries (We Put the “E” in Evil). The man who plays Satan looks like a cross between David Cassidy from “The Partridge Family” and Simon Ward, the actor who played a Satan-esque character in “Holocaust 2000.” That’s pretty much all you need, but this segment also features some funny Claymation effects, Cameron Mitchell hamming it up, and disco music!! The first film appears to have made in 1982 or 83, the second film around the same time, and the third film is definitely of the 1979 vintage. If it’s not obvious from the big collars and the disco music, it is from when Cameron Mitchell looks at a newspaper article from 1944 and says, “that was 35 years ago.” I can do math good. “Night Train to Terror” is one of those many horror/sci-fi/adventure films of the period between 1974-1990 which are, to some, from the outside, disposable and unworthy of a second glance. I, however, embrace such films and, more often than not, am rewarded with a fun movie-watching experience. It all depends on your mindset as you go into it. If you go into such a movie thinking it will have no redeeming qualities, chances are your mind will not be changed. If you allow yourself to be immersed in a bizarre world full of oddities, you will sometimes be rewarded.

The new Vinegar Syndrome blu-ray release of “Night Train to Terror” contains two enjoyable commentary tracks. One track features the guys from the slasher movie podcast, “The Hysteria Continues.” This track is the more informative of the two about the film. These guys have done quite a bit of research and help to unravel some of the mysteries of this film. One very interesting note is that the first segment, about the man used as bait for women so as to harvest their organs, was again re-edited into a film released in 1992 entitled, “Marilyn Alive and Behind Bars.” The star of this segment, John Phillip Law, was brought back ten years later to shoot new scenes in this film which pretty much revolves around a different plot. The guys have lots more information to divulge and I will not repeat any of it here as it is their research, not mine that has uncovered this information. I did suspect, though, and it is mentioned in the commentary track, that the three segments in “Night Train to Terror” were originally Mormon movies, made to teach life lessons. It is mentioned in the commentary that the gore and nudity in the film were filmed separately from the tamer parts of these segments so as to make the film more marketable and to recoup some money. It is not referenced in the commentary track the connection between participants in “Night Train to Terror” and “Savage Journey,” aka “Brigham,” the 1977 Mormon film about Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. In that film, Maurice Grandmaison, who appears in the third segment of “Night Train” as Pipini, plays Brigham Young and Richard Moll plays Joseph Smith. The third segment of “Night Train” (later finished and titled “Cataclysm,” and later released in a Troma box set) in which they appear was made only 2 years later. “Cataclysm” and “Savage Journey” were both directed by Tom McGowan. John Carr directed the first and second segments. One of the other credited directors of “Night Train to Terror,” Jay Schlossberg-Cohen, provides an interesting commentary track, however, his is more of the story of his career in show business. Eventually, the topic of “Night Train” is covered and we learn more interesting bits of information about the background of this film. Schlossberg-Cohen directed the gore and nudity portions of the film. “Night Train to Terror” is a fun potpourri of strangeness, something most welcome by me. I suggest you purchase the set (it comes as a blu-ray/regular ray combo pack) from the retailer of your choice, unless the retailer of your choice is Lane Bryant or Home Depot, in which case you may have a hard time finding it.